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30 hilarious quotes for new parents
You’ve embarked on the wildest ride of your life, where sleep is a distant memory, coffee is your best friend, and you’ve forgotten what adult conversation feels like. But don’t worry, we’ve got you covered. Here are 30 hilarious quotes that perfectly capture the rollercoaster of parenthood. Laughing is the best way to stay sane when you're navigating the wonderful chaos of raising a tiny human.
Can Someone with Aquagenic Urticaria Have a Baby?
Have you heard of aquagenic urticaria? It’s a rare condition that causes an allergic reaction to water (yes, water!)—and now you’re wondering, “Can someone with this condition have a baby?” Short answer: Yes, they absolutely can. But like everything in life (and especially pregnancy), it comes with its own set of challenges. Let’s break it down.
Postpartum Hormonal Crash: What the Hell Just Happened to my body?
Congratulations! 🎉 You just grew and birthed a whole human! Now that you’ve got a tiny person in your arms, you’re probably feeling a whirlwind of emotions—pure joy, exhaustion, confusion, and maybe a sudden urge to cry because you dropped a sock. Welcome to the Postpartum Hormonal Crash, a not-so-fun rollercoaster that’s totally normal but feels like absolute chaos. Let’s dive into the science behind why your hormones are throwing a tantrum and what you can expect during this wild ride.
What the F*ck is Lochia? A No-BS Guide to Postpartum Bleeding
So, you’ve just pushed a baby out of your body or had one surgically removed. Congrats! 🎉 You’re officially a parent, and now the fun begins. But before you can start that new chapter, there's something else we need to talk about—Lochia.
The Stages of Labor: From ‘Is This It?’ to ‘OMG, It’s a Baby!
Labor. It’s the moment every expecting parent anticipates, the final hurdle before you finally meet that little human who’s been practicing ninja kicks on your bladder for months. While the word “labor” may sound daunting (and let’s be honest, it’s no walk in the park), the process can actually be broken down into a few distinct phases. And guess what? We’re going to tackle them together—with a healthy dose of humor and a whole lot of facts. Buckle up!
Comparing Kamala Harris and Donald Trump: Key Issues for New Parents
With the election underway, here’s a detailed comparison of Kamala Harris's and Donald Trump's positions on issues impacting new parents. This overview also includes their stances on healthcare, paid family leave, tax benefits, and reproductive healthcare—highlighting the candidates’ distinct visions for supporting families and their approaches to funding these initiatives.
What Does the President Have to Do with Your Baby’s First Year?
Even through its fairly easy to agree with the age old saying of “no politics and religion at the dinner table”, it’s worth noting how presidential policies can have a big impact on your life as a new parent. Here’s a quick breakdown of how.
Should I eat my own placenta?
So, you’ve just had a baby, and someone’s thrown out the question: “Are you going to eat your placenta?” It might sound like a plot twist from a cooking show gone rogue, but placentophagy—eating your placenta—has gained popularity for a variety of reasons. Let’s dive into this trend with a blend of facts, science, and a sprinkle of humor to see if this is a culinary adventure you might want to take.
You Have a Wound the Size of a Dinner Plate Inside You
Congratulations! You’ve just brought a tiny human into the world, and now you’re experiencing the post-birth adventure known as postpartum recovery. But did you know you’re also healing from a wound that’s roughly the size of a dinner plate? Yep, that’s right. After the placenta detaches from your uterine wall, it leaves behind a pretty significant “scar.” Let’s dive into the science behind this miraculous healing process, why you might feel like you’re hosting a mini-construction zone in your belly, and how you’re tackling it all with grace (and maybe a few ice packs).
Where Does All That Extra Blood Go After Baby’s Arrival?
You’ve spent nine months growing a tiny human and dealing with a plethora of pregnancy symptoms, including an increase in blood volume that could make a vampire blush. But what happens to all that extra blood once you finally deliver your baby? Do you sweat it out like a scene from an action movie? Or does it mysteriously vanish into thin air? Let’s dive into the science of post-pregnancy blood volume and answer the burning question: where does all that extra blood go?
A Frustrated Open Letter to the MTA & My Fellow New Yorkers from a Struggling New Parent
Dear NYC MTA and my fellow subway riding New Yorkers,
Please, for the love of all things holy, I am begging you… get your head out of your own ass and wake up! New York City is a place with plenty of unspoken social rules. There are just too many of us (estimated to be around 8,097,282 people) crammed into this geographically small city (305 square miles), and we all know we need to abide by these unspoken norms.
The Great Blood Expansion: Why You’re Basically a Walking Juice Box When Pregnant
Congratulations! You’re pregnant and, as the old saying goes, “you're eating for two now.” But did you know you’re also circulating for two? That’s right, Mama—along with all the cravings, mood swings, and weird dreams, your body has signed up for the ultimate internal makeover: blood volume expansion. Yep, you’re about to become a human water balloon—only instead of water, it’s blood. Let’s dive into the juicy details (pun absolutely intended).
Epidurals: Your Guide to Understanding the Magic and the Mechanics
So, you're preparing for childbirth, and the topic of epidurals has come up. They can sound like a magical solution—"Epidural: The Birth Superpower!"—but it’s important to remember they are a real, science-based medical procedure with benefits, risks, and alternatives. This guide will explore what an epidural is, how it works, what to expect when you get one, and the reasons some people may choose to skip it altogether. By the end, we hope you’ll have all the information you need to make the best decision for your labor experience.
The Placenta: Your Baby’s BFF and the Most Intriguing Organ You've Never Met
Ah, the placenta—often overshadowed by the baby but undoubtedly the real MVP of pregnancy. This unsung hero deserves its moment in the spotlight, and we're here to give it just that. Buckle up for a deep dive into the science, magic, and, yes, even the myths surrounding this fascinating organ. Spoiler alert: It’s not just a “baby sponge” but a marvel of biological engineering.
The Perineum: The Unsung Hero of Childbirth
Welcome to the wonderful world of childbirth where things can get a little messy, and the perineum is the unsung hero that deserves a standing ovation—or at least a really good massage. If you’re wondering what in the world a perineum is and why you should care about it, buckle up for a deep dive into the science, statistics, and soothing techniques of this often-overlooked part of your anatomy.
CONVERSATIONS WITH (YARI PUJOLS): My TTC Journey
YARI’S STORY: The moment I decided I was ready to be a mother was the moment I stepped into a journey I hadn’t fully understood—trying to conceive (TTC). For me, this wasn’t just about having a baby. It became a path of self-discovery, finding strength in uncertainty, and making peace with the unknown.
The “Golden Hour” After Birth
Welcome to the Golden Hour—the most celebrated 60 minutes of your life, right after you’ve just given birth. It sounds like a VIP club in the maternity ward where you and your baby get exclusive access to a magical bonding experience. But what’s actually happening during this time, and why does it feel like you’re in an episode of your favorite heartwarming show? Let’s break down the science and the sheer awesomeness of the Golden Hour.
Fat, Fun, and Fabulous: Why Your Pregnant Body is Packing on the LBS
Ah, pregnancy—the time when your body becomes a magical, baby-growing machine and, apparently, a fat-storing powerhouse. You’ve probably noticed that your jeans are feeling a bit snugger and your favorite snacks are mysteriously disappearing. But before you start plotting your post-baby diet, let’s dive into the science behind why your body is packing on the pounds and why it’s actually a good thing. Buckle up, because we’re about to get fat—metaphorically speaking!
Pregnancy Brain: Myth, Magic, or Just the Missing Keys in Your Fridge?
Ah, pregnancy brain—that moment when you forget where you put your phone, only to realize it’s in your hand...while you’re talking on it. Or when you find the remote in the freezer. Is it a real thing, or just a convenient excuse for all the times you’ve walked into a room and immediately forgotten why you’re there? Let’s dive deep into the science, facts, and maybe even a few embarrassing examples of what exactly is going on in that baby-growing brain of yours.
Gestational Diabetes: The Sweet Test You Never Wanted
So, you're pregnant, glowing, and living your best "eating for two" life. Suddenly, your OB-GYN casually drops the phrase, “gestational diabetes screening,” and you're like, “Excuse me, what now?” Isn’t pregnancy hard enough without a pop quiz on sugar? Well, buckle up, because we’re diving into the world of Gestational Diabetes (GD)—where your body gets real weird about sugar, and you get to drink the infamous orange liquid that makes you question all of your life choices.