🧠 Why Does Everyone Say "He's Just Learning a New Skill" 👶

If you've spent more than five minutes around a parent of an infant or toddler, you've heard it. You may have even said it yourself with an air of knowing patience, nodding along like some wise sage of the early childhood experience:

"Oh, he's just learning a new skill."

This phrase is so ubiquitous in parenting circles that it might as well be embroidered onto onesies and printed onto diaper bags. But why? Where did this phrase come from? Is there any science behind it? And most importantly—are we all just gaslighting ourselves into believing that the reason our child is waking up every 45 minutes is because they’re "learning" something instead of just being tiny, adorable chaos goblins?

Let’s investigate.

Where Did This Phrase Come From?

Like all great parenting clichés, the exact origin of "He's just learning a new skill" is impossible to trace. But if we had to hazard a guess, it likely emerged from a mix of sleep-deprived optimism and survival instinct. Parents needed an explanation for why their sweet, chunky cherubs suddenly turned into restless, cranky, all-night raving banshees.

Instead of admitting that parenting is just an endless cycle of unpredictability, we developed this convenient, all-purpose phrase. It wraps everything up into a neat little package of logic:

• Waking up every hour? Probably learning to crawl.

• Screaming inconsolably at bedtime? Might be mastering object permanence.

• Suddenly refusing to eat green beans? Ah yes, a newfound sense of autonomy!

It helps that pediatricians, sleep consultants, and developmental psychologists often reinforce this idea. Developmental leaps (as in, the ones outlined in books like The Wonder Weeks) do tend to correspond with sudden disruptions in sleep, appetite, and general behavior. So while we may be grasping at straws, we’re at least grasping at scientific straws.

Why Do We Say It So Often?

1. Because We Need to Believe in Order and Logic
   As humans, we love a good cause-and-effect relationship. If our baby is losing their mind out of nowhere, we want to believe there’s a reason. Otherwise, we’re just living in the Wild West of parenting where anything can happen, and that's deeply unsettling.

2. Because It’s Often (Kind of) True
   Babies and toddlers do go through significant developmental spurts that impact their mood, sleep, and overall demeanor. Learning to roll, crawl, walk, talk, or stack those weirdly sticky foam blocks can consume all their little brainpower. That can leave them overstimulated, exhausted, or frustrated—which then manifests as the kind of unhinged behavior that has us googling "why is my baby broken at 2 a.m."

3. Because It Makes Us Feel Like We Have Some Control
   If we can name the reason for our child's erratic behavior, we can convince ourselves that we understand it. Understanding leads to coping. Coping leads to (some) sanity. Sanity leads to not running away to live in the woods and let the raccoons raise our children.

4. Because It Sounds Better Than “I Have No Idea What’s Going On”
   Telling someone, “Oh, he’s just learning a new skill!” makes you sound like a knowledgeable, tuned-in parent. Saying, “I have no clue why my baby is a tiny terrorist this week, send help,” might be more honest, but it doesn’t exactly inspire confidence.

What Does It Actually Mean?

At its core, this phrase is a way of saying:

"My baby is going through something, I don’t fully understand it, but I need a way to rationalize it so I don’t lose my mind."

And honestly? Fair.

It’s also a reminder that babies and toddlers are constantly growing and changing. Their bodies, their brains, their entire understanding of the world is in flux. A baby who was content just lying there like a sack of potatoes last week might now be obsessed with trying to flip over. A toddler who loved their bedtime routine yesterday might suddenly decide that sleep is for the weak. These shifts are normal—even if they are deeply inconvenient for our REM cycles.

Is There Science Behind This?

Yes! Developmental psychology, neuroscience, and sleep studies all support the idea that skill acquisition and developmental milestones impact behavior. Here are a few key things to know:

• Brain Development is Energy-Intensive
  Learning new things takes up a lot of brainpower. Studies show that periods of rapid neurological growth (which happen frequently in infancy and toddlerhood) can correlate with changes in mood, sleep, and behavior.

• Motor and Cognitive Milestones Can Disrupt Sleep
  Research confirms that when babies learn to crawl, walk, or even reach new levels of language comprehension, sleep disturbances often follow. One study found that infants practicing a new motor skill tend to wake up more frequently at night—because their brain is basically shouting “DO THE THING” even when they should be sleeping.

• It’s a Coping Mechanism for Parents
  While science backs up developmental disruptions, our tendency to use this phrase so often might have more to do with how we process the madness of raising small humans. Giving an explanation—any explanation—helps us feel less powerless in the face of unpredictable baby behavior.

So, Should We Keep Saying It?

Absolutely.

Sure, “He’s just learning a new skill” might be the parenting equivalent of telling yourself that Mercury must be in retrograde when your life is falling apart—but honestly? It helps.

It reminds us that babies aren’t being difficult just for sport. They’re growing. They’re developing. They’re figuring out how to be human, which is no small feat.

And if repeating this phrase helps us get through yet another nap strike, meal refusal, or midnight scream-fest with our sanity (somewhat) intact, then by all means—say it loud, say it proud.

Because after all, we’re just learning a new skill, too. The skill of surviving parenthood.

Stay fresh, have a laugh & join the club!

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